You're Invited
I connected with a friend in person for the first time in what we discovered was four whole years, on a socially close, physically distanced walk. We found a way to begin the process of catching each other up on the last four years of our lives. There is this phrase in counseling called “door knob revelations” when your client reveals their biggest truths in the last few seconds of the session.
After summaries of our past lives, my dear friend talked with me about relationships and choice. We discussed what makes these ‘great loves’ we’ve come to know so great. We talked about how choosing someone, again and again, is an act of love. Good friendships and great loves are all about choice since the minute they spark into existence. The act of choice is more fluid in the early days, but as time goes on, those who consistently choose each other find love that lasts.
We reached the crosswalk as she shared a final thought, “I hope my future husband and I can sit and discuss how to choose each other for our entire relationship. That we always go back to the conversation of choice.”
As I left the walk I didn’t think much of her simple, but beautiful, door knob revelation.
Later that night, as I sat in my chair and read about Black Mountain College I couldn’t ignore what felt like a similar concept showing up for a second time. Now, my friend’s parting words had a delightful echo. It read:
“Group Influence” was how people at the college described the collective effect of bringing people out of their shells--sometimes a painful process of dropping pretenses and defenses, other times a warmly welcomed experience of inclusion. Also, Adamic wrote, “...one belongs, functions, is ‘important’ in [Black Mountain College] BMC. One, too, is constantly invited, verbally and by implication, to be intelligent, to mature...The BMC community, so to speak, psychologically strips the individual, and there he stands revealed to everyone, including himself--and finally likes it.”
(The Josef and Anni Albers Foundation)
Black Mountain College produced a laundry list of greats in 23 short years, but behind the roster of amazing individuals was an intention and purpose that focused on community and interconnectedness. It showcased, to me, another deep revelation…look what can happen when we are invited. If we were to view our relationships as an offshoot of our creative practice, would we consider them some of our best work? Our most grand, most complex, most fulfilling masterpiece?
From our best relationships come our best selves, perhaps an act of selfless-selfishness. As we build into each other, we build into ourselves. Artists I love, like Cy Twombly and Robert Raushcenberg, absorbed the power of constant invitation at Black Mountain College. In this relational ecosystem, togetherness led to confidence, confidence led to betterment of self, invitation led to togetherness, and togetherness led to belonging. The cycle continues, just as long as we keep our invitations constantly coming.
So, what if our “best” comes in part from both inviting and being invited? What if the dedication we had to our practice, artistic or otherwise, was applied to our relationships and in turn from them our best work developed? Each invitation and each choice, another layer of meaning in our lifetime masterpiece, the work of a life well-lived.